First day on a new medication. Oh boy! Definitely want to make sure and try these only over the weekend. i feel like I just had the strongest mug of tea ever. This stuff takes getting used to, and i don’t want to be behind the wheel of a car at the moment. don’t feel safe.
Not sure I mentioned trying strattera. Wrong choice. Biggest thing it did was make me drowsy. Slowed me down, very good for “treating” hyperactivity as if I thought hyperactivity was a disease. It also reduced my anxiety, kinda made me feel generally strange. I disliked it. I feel like it reduced my libido as well, and when I had, ahem, libido anyway it gave me some discomfort. Also, it worked a little like how people tell me antidepressants work, and my older sister just told me that was it’s original design purpose, only it didn’t work that way during the human trials, it reduced inattentiveness instead. Well for me it was exactly the opposite, so generally pointless, since I’m not depressed, and the side effects were ultimately destructive. I function normally in bursts of procrastination and panic, well, take away the panic and what’s left.
Also my fucking god what happened to my punctuation and grammar i will have to proofread the fuck out of everything i end up working on if I end up using this. Maybe I’ll try a lower dose. Doctor told me the doses available, and she thought the second-smallest was the best idea, since I wasn’t a child an all, but maybe going down five miligrams would be smart. But it’s an all-day timed release type thing, we’ll see how tomorrow works out, and I’ll decide whether to take it again monday morning.
It’s true that i’m doing more though, my comments have been two-four times as long as usual, and I’m a little less inhibited about making them. A lot of my procrastination is re-reading comments and agonizing about whether the world will end if I make them. And it seems pretty obvious for me to realise that it won’t, and I don’t think that the world will literally end, I’m not really thinking of any kind of bad thing happening in particular, just sitting there worrying, and I’m either jacked up and no impulse control right now, or perhaps I’ve gained the awareness that i’m being silly. Whatever, if it helps me achieve my goals what should you say against it? Especially as an anarchist, my goals include overthrowing the bourgeoisie, would you scorn my contribution just because evil big pharma was involved? Do you starve yourself because corporations control the distribution of food? Of course not. So why should your hate for capitalism extend to denial that my neurological differences are real, and if capitalism demands workers who can walk, would an anarchist society deprive a paralytic of a wheel chair? If a society does so, then what about it would be anarchist? Nothing of course.