Leaving for Maryland tomorrow

Yup.  I will be bringing my camera and phone and tablet and crippling hesitancy.  I will be staying in my cousin’s house.  I think I will bring some vegetables along, because I have some leftover and it kills me to think of them sitting all alone in the fridge getting moldy.  I want to pick up an external hard drive so I can work on all of my files, but of course I’m not sure I want to spend the money.  I’ll be driving myself, so technically I’ve got plenty of time to make a decision.  I have not packed, but I refuse to make packing complicated enough that I have to do it ahead of time.  Plegh.

I’ve been zooming through the Long Earth series.  There are some things about it that annoy me, but I’m going to wait and think it over first before deciding that I’m not just being whatever it is I’m not supposed to be being.  Or something.  I’m a sucker for parallel worlds anyway.

I’m still struggling with motivation.  I’m not checking my messages on deviantArt or Furaffinity.  I mean, I’m kind of sifting through them a little, but I don’t really care right now  about those websites.  Besides I made an actual trifold pamphlet (I really did!  And it folds correctly too) so I kind of feel like I’ve graduated to a more mature form of writing and I just don’t really need to get on the internet and think about the work or the opinions of other people.  Although that’s probably the result of not sleeping.

My room keeps getting vacuumed and for what?  I don’t care right now how filthy it gets.  I don’t even care right now how filthy I am.  I just keep planning to take a shower because I know that I have to before I can go out and be among humans and I really don’t want to deal with breakouts, at least I won’t want to when they happen, but right now I’d rather read about parallel worlds and run my fingers through my increasingly greasy hair.

Oh gosh.  So many signs of something possibly having gone wrong with me.  And I’m not sure if I’m just too tired or maybe there’s some deeper more insidious phenomenon at work inside my brain.  This is what sucks about needing to drive all day tomorrow because I have to stay awake now or else I will wake up at precisely midnight if not earlier, and that’s not a whole eight hours but hey, as long as my body and mind can work together to fuck me over at least they’re cooperating.

i ran out of defaneinated green tea o what is the world coming to

Speaking of tea I really need to be kept away from the tea section in the grocery store.  I have cinnamon apple spice, lemon zinger, lemongrass ginger, bengal spice, camomile lavender (I do so wish I could get plain lavender; dunno, I’ve really picked up a taste for it), tension tamer, and sleepy time extra.  None of these have caffeine in them.  I decided to reduce my caffeine intake so that I would spend less money on tea, and look what it got me.  I should bring my tea with me.

I made ratattouille which I have no idea how to spell and no i am not looking it up damnit and I took it to the quarterly potluck this monday and everyone said they loved it.  So at least there is one thing I can create and people will be nice to me about it.  Sometimes though I still sense a hostility from people and I’m never sure whether I’m imagining it.  Ugh I am so tired.

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