Since I’ve got a three-day weekend at my disposal, I have decided to use it to turn my sleep schedule around.  So far, I’ve stayed up until noon Friday, then Saturday I went to bed at seven or eight.  Both times I woke up in time for dinner.  But I was still tired last night, so around eleven I went to bed again.  Now it is around three or so.  That lets me drive home from school around seven, after the traffic has dissipated, then go to bed around eight or nine.  Let’s see how long I can maintain that habit.

Dream last night: don’t remember much of it, but fat bastard was there.  Wasn’t nearly as threatening, just being an asshole, and then he left.  I wasn’t frightened or angry, just exasperated.  There were some bees in our backyard doing bee things, which are good things (wanted to point that out) and he put a bunch of dirt into a bottle.  Somehow that messed up the bees.  Jerk.  And then I was talking with my mom and someone else, I forget who, and the bees, and about the bottle.  The bottle was full of water which somehow kept carbonating itself.  I’d shake it up, pour some out, squeeze the bottle, and it would regain its shape.  More water would appear.  An old coworker from McDonald’s was learning how to paint, and I thought I might take some classes along with him and we could work together again.  He was nice.  I still kept him at arm’s length like I do with everyone I physically meet, but sometimes I almost miss him.

I wonder if I can ever have friends in meatspace like some people do.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my internet friends, but sometimes…it’s weird, but I want someone to touch me.  Hold me, cuddle me, whatever.  Realised a few days ago that I missed the DSA meeting in September.  Nobody emailed me or asked me about it.  So I dunno.  Sometimes I think no one around here could ever like me.  Even if they aren’t from here, which is a major reason I keep away from people.  Too local.  This is one of the ways I know that I am insane.  I should just chill out.  Who cares where someone is from?  It’s just that sometimes people have seemed nice, and turned out to be the opposite.  I’m afraid.

I spent my entire allowance on food yesterday.  Cans and cans of soup, big cans of diced tomatoes and tomato purée (yes!) celery, bell peppers.  It’s been so long since I made my own recipe of spaghetti sauce, and I prefer that one because that is exactly the sort of person I am.  I need some good pasta.  Plus my sister brought us all kinds of shallots and garlic from a farm she spent a month working on a while back, and I would be happy to use a few of them.  I really love food.

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8 Responses to

  1. Hm. Idk. I don’t feel like I have any more luck with friends offline than I do on. It seems so difficult, but I don’t even know why…my schedule? My general lack of desire to go out and do things? My winning personality? …laziness? Dunno.

    I know what you mean though. It’s tough.

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