And if I were capable of feeling anything besides apathy right now, I’d probably be fairly upset about it.  

I’m nearing the end of a semester that I missed.  UT won’t let me take classes until the summer, and I can’t even register until the very end of next month.  Who knows if any of the classes I want to take will even be open.  I tried doing some push-ups, but it’s been so long since I made a habit of those.  I’ve gotten weak.  I was able to crank out ten today.  Never did get about thirty at one time any way.  Music has been pretty much the only thing occupying me lately, so I went around the house looking for an old guitar we used to have.  I called two people in my family who might know where it was and neither picked up.  I searched the whole house for it.  I thought learning a new skill might distract me from the endless rolling hours of pointless daylight.  Well.  

I should have gone to ITT Tech.  I could have been taking classes already, and I’d have a shot at a job that wasn’t a McDonalds type job.  

And they always complain when I cook.  They never eat any of it, but they don’t do anything but complain about my cooking.  Like it fucking affects them at all.  I’ve got all this space up here that I could use, maybe I’ll build a kitchenette.  It’s what my friend suggested the other day.  They’ll never let me set something like that up, but then I have to wonder what in the hell they’d actually do if I just went out and did it.  Just more time that we aren’t required to spend together.  

And then there’s the shit in the downstairs garage.  There’s books in there getting moldy, bikes that no one rides any more, and electronics getting corroded by the humidity.  There is no reason to even have it at all, but it has to be down there and in that garage because I’ve been forbidden to park down there, as a result of some wrong I don’t even remember committing and who even knows what it was.  When I even bring it up, I get fucking screamed at.  I feel like I’m adrift in a sea of irrationality and it’s only just now occurred to me that this is less than completely normal.

Also, I need louder speakers.

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3 Responses to

  1. Too much frustration. Maybe start taking walks. Or find a new book to lose yourself in. Not sure those will help you with all the restlessness, but they help me more than most things. Plus, if you walk…wrist weights. They’ll help you build your arm muscle back up.

    • Yes, that is exactly right. Frustration. It’s not always easy to put my finger on it. I like the suggestion of wrist weights. I’ll have to find some, for when I Walk the dog. Thanks.

      • Welcome. I’ve been using small weights a lot more lately than I have in months. Because it’s crappy to be too restless at 2-4 am when I finally get back from work.

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