Tired.  So many things to do.  So many people to talk to.  Oh man, guys, I love you but please, one at a time.  Fear of messing up.  Stress.  Just general stress.  Frustration.  Today was my birthday.  Instead of having my birthday dinner at Chesapeake’s, I had to take the CBASE exit exam.  I thought, at first, that it would be in the morning–tough, but doable–but I wanted to be sure, smart clever person that I am, so I checked and it was five thirty in the afternoon.  So that’s where I went after French class, and since no room number was listed I ended up wandering around the ERC talking to different people about where it would be.  Good thing I went there early.  The test itself was a big surprise.  I had expected to be tested on the things I had learned–sort of a customized test on all the subjects I’d taken classes in.  In a way, I was lucky.  It was just a simple, standardized test, of the sort I’ve always scored in the ninety to ninety-ninth percentile in.  In a way, it was disappointing.  It was an incredibly boring two and a half hours.  Not really any challenging questions on there.  Interestingly, there was one electronics question, which I wouldn’t have been able to answer if I hadn’t picked up a passing interest in circuits when I was in middle school.  It’s as if that subject that I hardly even cared about and never got the real chance to pursue had finally achieved some great destiny.  It helped me answer one question.  But seriously, I’d never come across similar material anywhere else.  Just that one question.  Like it was calling to me, but didn’t want anyone to hear.  Like a secret love that must never be discovered.

The weekend was intense.  Didn’t get to sleep in.  Had a math competition to attend.  Then I spent the last half of improv setting up for the pledge of resistance training I was going to hold, but it ended up turning into a meeting.  Which adjourned after two hours because people started to leave.  Meh, even two hours is a bit much for me to keep paying attention, and I’m supposed to be leading it.  So, I’m trying–well, actually, I’m just doing it, and hoping for the best–to change it into a two-hour weekly meeting.  We had a bit of a naysayer there too, who wanted more people.  Er, whatever.  I got just the number of people I was prepared for, with every single person getting a participant guide, and every guide went to a person.  I feel that that is an accomplishment.  I worked hard making those guides, too.  Nothing else really went as I was lead to expect, which ironically I kind of expected.  Many of the people there were too anarchic to really submit to my control, and I myself am too anarchic to try and impose it anyway.  Well, we’ll see how this works out.  I bet the national leadership would burst into tears, but I had more or less the least amount out of experience out of anyone there.  So, we’ll see what happens.  Oh yeah, there was some kid from the Daily Beacon there.  She seemed sooo nervous.  I don’t know if that was meant to be disarming, or if it really is possible to be more nervous than me, but there you go.  Apart from one quiet person, everyone else gave me a lot of advice.

Sunday was creek cleanup with the Green Party.  Litter pollution is really bad there.  So much plastic.  I was able to fill a trashbag and a half by the time we had to wrap up, and there was still crap lying in the stream and tangled in the branches.  After that, I went to a vegetarian society potluck.  Didn’t bring anything; it was just kind of, hey, I got invited, may as well show up.  Nervous again.  Afraid of messing up.  Saw a person that I had met randomly before, when putting up flyers.  I’m becoming convinced that the best way to navigate a complex ocean of a world is to follow the currents.  I got invited to a Kundalini Yoga class.  Maybe I’ll check it out, I dunno.  But what I need most is sleep.

Also, I spoke to a lawyer about joining our legal team.  Assuaged some of my fears.  And I can pass the info on to another person who may be feeling some worry.  We’ll see, as I said.

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2 Responses to

  1. Happy belated birthday.

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