Well that was the most exhausting failure I’ve had in a long time.
Someone I know from the Green Party was having a get-together at their house, which is fine but it’s kind of a party night in Knoxville tonight (which I didn’t realise til I got downtown) but he was offering beer and as an alcoholic I kinda wanted to avoid that situation. Well, someone I need some files from was also going to be there, so I decided to go and asked him to take his computer along. He said he would. So I drove on down, and when I got to Summit Hill I realised my mistake.
No no no no no no.
People walking everywhere. Cars all over the place. The parking garage I was going to use was closed, and Gay street was moving at glacial speed anyway. I finally escaped Gay street, and made it to my target street where there was another parking lot I could use. Found a spot, and man the sidewalks were crowded. I was already shivering with stress by then, but I took a moment to gather my thoughts, and grabbed a water bottle and got out of my car. Walked along there, with my GPS set because I couldn’t see anywhere that someone would logically live. When I got to where it told me to go, I looked around and still couldn’t see anything. I called the guy I needed to see, but he didn’t answer. Well, I hung around on the corner for a minute, wondering if he’d call back. Then strolled along a bit. Suddenly, I looked up and there was the exact address I was meant to be looking for. Alright. Maybe this wouldn’t be a total waste of time afterall. I went into the building, and there were two apartments, with social-gathering-noise coming from behind one of the doors. So that’s the one I knocked on. I waited, knocked again. Still nothing. Okay. I checked my phone, and it was after nine thirty. Okay, I’ll give it two more minutes, or until the next lull, then knock again. If I still get nothing I’ll take off. Then just as I was about to knock again, I heard two beer cans open, and I realised full force just how much I shouldn’t be there.
I’m an alcoholic, with autism, and social anxiety, and already very stressed out. There is no way I’m ever going to fit in with these people, not tonight, not ever. So I turned around and went back to my car. I sent an apologetic message to my guy, then went to Stephanos and ate the shit out of some pizza. And that was that.
Waste of fucking gas.