Yeah more doom and gloom. This is me, apparently, thinking about the end of the world, still trying to rock hard. Maybe if I rock hard enough and loud enough I will become cool enough to save it.

Why am I convinced that our only chance is to enact proportional representation and end the two-party system? I mean, I have a thread of reasoning, but it seems kind of long. I just know I’m having a really hard time focusing on anything else. And I guess it’s a nice way to avoid thinking about being doomed. It seems to work, sort of, so long as I’m writing about it and not trying to get other people involved because I’m bad at that.

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This is what Christmas makes me think of. Endless consumption, possessions, waste, and environmental destruction.

And in the same vein, for yesterday

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I was deleting emails and found one from here. I used to write so assiduously on here. I wonder if I should work out one of those musical countdowns leading up to Christmas. Like my only friend on here did. She hasn’t written, it appears, in a long time. And I have become very uncomfortable with “humorous” references to the Nazis.

I have been oppressed by an increasing sense that everything is about to collapse. And I wonder how many others share my sense of impending disorder and I wonder how long until a person promises to return to orderliness and the price of that return will be genocide. This is not the first time I have wondered if there would be people like me a hundred years from now. But now I also wonder if there will be people at all at that time. The powerful will not look farther than the preservation of their might and they shall realise all of a sudden that there is no one left to rule and it will already be too late.

Only a rapid democratization and decentralization will grant our species the flexibility to withstand the overturn of the climate. I’ve latched onto proportional representation as our pathway out. I write long arguments in favor of it on facebook and no one reads them and no one is convinced and no matter what I do we are all going to perish in a terrible fireball but it’s the thought that counts.

It was over a hundred thousand years in the Triassic before there were ecosystems with the same degree of complexity that developed during the Paleozoic, and was wiped out by the end-Permian even. Something to look forward to I guess. Though I’ve read that the life-cycle of the sun might actually make earth uninhabitable even before reaching red giant stage. It’s all very interesting. So many different ways for total and complete destruction to happen.

I’ve got a book about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. I wonder what parallels I might learn to draw and what new phantoms will terrify me after I read it.

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Whoo, been a while, once again. Still keeping up with my weekly updates on DA–I’m so shocked–drawing things sort of on most days, have not caught back up though since the end of the semester. And. . . . I don’t seem to be writing any fiction. Still doing essays, still working on the single transferable vote. Wrote a column for the back of the local Green party brochure, and I’ve re-written the old brochure I made a few months ago. Right now I am working on graphics for it. I’m also doing well, basically, in my Koine Greek class, though I haven’t worked on my paper, which is regrettably due next bloody week. Argh. But then after that the semester is about over anyway (summer classes).

Gawd, I’m supposed to graduate in the fall. I’ve decided to give teaching a chance. I want to have a career in something creative, but I don’t know, there’s something in my brain that’s not clicking. Maybe I can eventually draw comics. I had two characters playing around in my head last summer, with no real plots or stories about them, they were just there, and I could kinda see them, but there wasn’t really anything to write. But some okay comics pages could have resulted if I had the skill with a pencil. So I’m hoping to develop that. And also to put some of the things in my head down on paper too. Well. I have been doing some fiction work, sort of, though not really.

I call her Haemonia, a poetic name for Thessaly. In Apuleius, Thessaly is associated with witchcraft, and when I saw her eyes, I immediately thought of a line in the Argonatica about Circe–how she had the far-striking eyes of the children of Helios. I thought, yes, this is a sibling of these characters. So I’ve been filling out a 101 question sheet about her, lol.

Plus I’ve got some revisions in my head for a flash fiction I wrote a few semesters ago. Was thinking of translating it into Greek, but I keep getting distracted lol. I suspect I might need to take a holiday from my meds, if they’re not to lose their effectiveness. And maybe gain back the three pounds I lost when I first started–for the first time at my appointment today, I appear to have lost no weight since the last visit. So I appear to be eating better.

And I’ve been engaging in numerous failed attempts to sell t-shirts. Both with political slogans and with my photographs on them. There appears to be no interest. But maybe if I build up a decent sized audience that will change? Who bloody knows.

The world is ending. If there is nothing I can do to stop it, I can at least try. Went to the smokeys a couple weeks ago and took some pictures. It had been a while since the last time I went to the park–a really long time, actually–and everything was just so beautiful. I remember the articles in the paper about the trees that are dying. I just want to stick my paws in the dirt listen to the stream running beside me lie down under the branches. I wonder how soon it will all be gone.

My story reflects on this feeling of hopelessness, actually. Which might be enough, even if I can craft it into a real decent tale, to prevent it from ever being published professionally. A lot of journals explicitly state they don’t want stories with downer endings or stories where humans are the villains lol maybe I’ll sit on it forever just continually revising, or maybe I’ll get done with it one day and if I can’t be arsed to find a journal interested in that type of story (or maybe it is of still insufficient quality, maybe I’ll never be that great, and I should just write what I enjoy and post it where I like) then I’ll put it on my DA. It’s so weird. All of my decisions lately seem to feel like a form of giving up. Maybe things will get better.

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You know what, I’m really good at deviantarting.

There’s people on there who go through and mostly seem to fave things at random. You look at their favorites folder and it’s full of things that have nothing to do with each other, no subjects in commen, no common skill level, no common genre. And there’s a big flurry of them, usually within minutes of each other.

And there’s people who, when somebody faves their art, go to the faver’s profile and say thank you. I’m one of them, in fact; some people find us annoying but I make sure not to leave comments where people don’t want them. If I see something I like I’ll fave back too.

So anyway, I got one of these fave-and-run fellows on my profile today, so I took the opportunity to look at all the people saying thanks. I went to their profiles, checked to see if there was anything I liked and clicked fave on several things.

And I open up dA a few minutes ago and I got like 20 feedback messages. Bunch of favorites, a comment, and someone donated “points” to me (a thing you can redeem for stuff). Like, I have a donation pool and it literally says “I don’t need anything this is just here for no reason” and this completely random person just gave me stuff.

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You know, I think the Governor is a pretty good villain. At his introduction, he is addressed only by title, and later in the series picks up a new name from a dead person with neither muss nor fuss. If anyone besides Andrea ever called him Phillip it’s likely a coincidence. The series never gives us a clear picture of his past, but there’s clearly been some loss of identity. He’s polite, handsome, charismatic, and finds it very easy to kill. And there’s his daughter. His attachment to her resembles Hershel’s conviction that the zimboes are “sick people.” But Hershel lived on a farm, in a spread-out rural area, while Philip seems to be more suburban or possibly even urban. And he finds himself in a world, his daughter “infected,” where self-defense against walkers is a daily necessity. Self-defense against other living people is less frequent but still unprecedented. Due to these experiences he has simply lost the ability to distinguish the living from the dead. Does it occur to him to begin trade negotiations with outside groups? Does he consider the soldiers potential resources as much as their guns, trucks, and other equipment? As he says, (paraphrased) “In this world you kill or you die…or you die then you kill.” In this statement, there is no clear separation between the living person and their reanimated corpse. Other characters talk about “becoming one of those things” “It’s not *them* any more” but the Governor uses the same pronoun to cover both things. To kill outsiders is meaningless now, and walkers are just another form of outsider.

He’s also, overall, neither fundamentally nor inherently different from Rick. His role as antagonist is created by their different goals, and eventually a grudge, maybe a touch more ruthlessness at this stage, but a level that Rick himself reaches later on in the series.

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I have not been taking pictures as a habit for more than a year now, but I’m thinking of getting back into it. I can make Saturday photography day, and do pictures on Saturdays, and I’ll have regular uploads which is a big way of getting popular. Just being regular. I’m also considering putting one of my photos onto a t-shirt, using teezily. Specifically this one:

It’s extremely popular, though it’s not actually my favorite. But I’m a little concerned. I want to post a link to the t-shirt on the deviation description. The dA terms of service ban “third party” advertising, and teezily is a third party that is for profit. But it would also be money going to me, and it would be my personal project, so I don’t think it would count (and dA’s staff is pretty lousy at checking enforcing their own rules, to be honest, though this one they might pay more attention to since it’s money).

I think if I put it on a facebook page, and then link to the facebook page, I can subvert this little trouble entirely, and also I can make sure that if people see it somewhere that I didn’t put it, they can find me and see where I am genuine. Plus I can run ads on Facebook lol. Just need to consider a name. Same as my dA name? I guess it’ll have to be.

In the meantime, though, I think I want to go through my dA gallery and download all of my pictures. I don’t know if I posted on here about this, but I had all of my old data on an encrypted drive where two sectors of the disk went bad, and now the entire thing is inaccessible. (So that’s two new rules: no more spinning drives, and no more encryption).

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