Whoo, been a while, once again. Still keeping up with my weekly updates on DA–I’m so shocked–drawing things sort of on most days, have not caught back up though since the end of the semester. And. . . . I don’t seem to be writing any fiction. Still doing essays, still working on the single transferable vote. Wrote a column for the back of the local Green party brochure, and I’ve re-written the old brochure I made a few months ago. Right now I am working on graphics for it. I’m also doing well, basically, in my Koine Greek class, though I haven’t worked on my paper, which is regrettably due next bloody week. Argh. But then after that the semester is about over anyway (summer classes).

Gawd, I’m supposed to graduate in the fall. I’ve decided to give teaching a chance. I want to have a career in something creative, but I don’t know, there’s something in my brain that’s not clicking. Maybe I can eventually draw comics. I had two characters playing around in my head last summer, with no real plots or stories about them, they were just there, and I could kinda see them, but there wasn’t really anything to write. But some okay comics pages could have resulted if I had the skill with a pencil. So I’m hoping to develop that. And also to put some of the things in my head down on paper too. Well. I have been doing some fiction work, sort of, though not really.


I call her Haemonia, a poetic name for Thessaly. In Apuleius, Thessaly is associated with witchcraft, and when I saw her eyes, I immediately thought of a line in the Argonatica about Circe–how she had the far-striking eyes of the children of Helios. I thought, yes, this is a sibling of these characters. So I’ve been filling out a 101 question sheet about her, lol.

Plus I’ve got some revisions in my head for a flash fiction I wrote a few semesters ago. Was thinking of translating it into Greek, but I keep getting distracted lol. I suspect I might need to take a holiday from my meds, if they’re not to lose their effectiveness. And maybe gain back the three pounds I lost when I first started–for the first time at my appointment today, I appear to have lost no weight since the last visit. So I appear to be eating better.

And I’ve been engaging in numerous failed attempts to sell t-shirts. Both with political slogans and with my photographs on them. There appears to be no interest. But maybe if I build up a decent sized audience that will change? Who bloody knows.

The world is ending. If there is nothing I can do to stop it, I can at least try. Went to the smokeys a couple weeks ago and took some pictures. It had been a while since the last time I went to the park–a really long time, actually–and everything was just so beautiful. I remember the articles in the paper about the trees that are dying. I just want to stick my paws in the dirt listen to the stream running beside me lie down under the branches. I wonder how soon it will all be gone.

My story reflects on this feeling of hopelessness, actually. Which might be enough, even if I can craft it into a real decent tale, to prevent it from ever being published professionally. A lot of journals explicitly state they don’t want stories with downer endings or stories where humans are the villains lol maybe I’ll sit on it forever just continually revising, or maybe I’ll get done with it one day and if I can’t be arsed to find a journal interested in that type of story (or maybe it is of still insufficient quality, maybe I’ll never be that great, and I should just write what I enjoy and post it where I like) then I’ll put it on my DA. It’s so weird. All of my decisions lately seem to feel like a form of giving up. Maybe things will get better.

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You know what, I’m really good at deviantarting.

There’s people on there who go through and mostly seem to fave things at random. You look at their favorites folder and it’s full of things that have nothing to do with each other, no subjects in commen, no common skill level, no common genre. And there’s a big flurry of them, usually within minutes of each other.

And there’s people who, when somebody faves their art, go to the faver’s profile and say thank you. I’m one of them, in fact; some people find us annoying but I make sure not to leave comments where people don’t want them. If I see something I like I’ll fave back too.

So anyway, I got one of these fave-and-run fellows on my profile today, so I took the opportunity to look at all the people saying thanks. I went to their profiles, checked to see if there was anything I liked and clicked fave on several things.

And I open up dA a few minutes ago and I got like 20 feedback messages. Bunch of favorites, a comment, and someone donated “points” to me (a thing you can redeem for stuff). Like, I have a donation pool and it literally says “I don’t need anything this is just here for no reason” and this completely random person just gave me stuff.

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You know, I think the Governor is a pretty good villain. At his introduction, he is addressed only by title, and later in the series picks up a new name from a dead person with neither muss nor fuss. If anyone besides Andrea ever called him Phillip it’s likely a coincidence. The series never gives us a clear picture of his past, but there’s clearly been some loss of identity. He’s polite, handsome, charismatic, and finds it very easy to kill. And there’s his daughter. His attachment to her resembles Hershel’s conviction that the zimboes are “sick people.” But Hershel lived on a farm, in a spread-out rural area, while Philip seems to be more suburban or possibly even urban. And he finds himself in a world, his daughter “infected,” where self-defense against walkers is a daily necessity. Self-defense against other living people is less frequent but still unprecedented. Due to these experiences he has simply lost the ability to distinguish the living from the dead. Does it occur to him to begin trade negotiations with outside groups? Does he consider the soldiers potential resources as much as their guns, trucks, and other equipment? As he says, (paraphrased) “In this world you kill or you die…or you die then you kill.” In this statement, there is no clear separation between the living person and their reanimated corpse. Other characters talk about “becoming one of those things” “It’s not *them* any more” but the Governor uses the same pronoun to cover both things. To kill outsiders is meaningless now, and walkers are just another form of outsider.

He’s also, overall, neither fundamentally nor inherently different from Rick. His role as antagonist is created by their different goals, and eventually a grudge, maybe a touch more ruthlessness at this stage, but a level that Rick himself reaches later on in the series.

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I have not been taking pictures as a habit for more than a year now, but I’m thinking of getting back into it. I can make Saturday photography day, and do pictures on Saturdays, and I’ll have regular uploads which is a big way of getting popular. Just being regular. I’m also considering putting one of my photos onto a t-shirt, using teezily. Specifically this one: http://fav.me/d7sq7v2

It’s extremely popular, though it’s not actually my favorite. But I’m a little concerned. I want to post a link to the t-shirt on the deviation description. The dA terms of service ban “third party” advertising, and teezily is a third party that is for profit. But it would also be money going to me, and it would be my personal project, so I don’t think it would count (and dA’s staff is pretty lousy at checking enforcing their own rules, to be honest, though this one they might pay more attention to since it’s money).

I think if I put it on a facebook page, and then link to the facebook page, I can subvert this little trouble entirely, and also I can make sure that if people see it somewhere that I didn’t put it, they can find me and see where I am genuine. Plus I can run ads on Facebook lol. Just need to consider a name. Same as my dA name? I guess it’ll have to be.

In the meantime, though, I think I want to go through my dA gallery and download all of my pictures. I don’t know if I posted on here about this, but I had all of my old data on an encrypted drive where two sectors of the disk went bad, and now the entire thing is inaccessible. (So that’s two new rules: no more spinning drives, and no more encryption).

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The Walking Dead really displays the endurance of American gun culture. Cuz those things are fucking noisy, and noise attracts zombies. But they are still almost the only ranged weapons throughout the entire series–and NOBODY thinks that this is weird!

Hardly any characters, and only one recurring character, uses something sensible and quiet like a cross bow. Nobody’s raiding sporting goods stores for those.

Production of bows and arrows in general is going to be much easier than restarting any gun industry (even a primitive one), since bows require no more than wood and sinews. Guns require, at a minimum, metal, which means refinement at high temperatures before smithing, even if it’s recycled, and the raw materials have to be mined, but the show takes place in a mainly wooded region whose forests are not under threat from huge logging conglomerates. Sooner or later scavenging is just not going to do it, and some kind of weapons industry is going to be necessary. Wooden projectiles would be significant early on and probably for a long time. The knowledge is surely available in libraries, and maybe even a hobbyist or two has survived with the foresight to share—well, no, they’ll see an opportunity to share something they are super geeky about and they’ll seize it with quivering hands. The raw materials can be harvested and shaped by the same individual, and even partial success can still be useful—for example, a poorly constructed bow that might not penetrate a walker skull could still fire a flaming arrow, or at least something that can be launched silently that makes noise far away from the archer. But we saw Eugene’s bullet stopped easily by a wooden bat, and no one on the show seems to be carrying silencers.

Even when guns are taken away, nobody thinks to research any kind of weaponcraft—Eugene just already knows things, and even his knowledge needs practice and improvement. Granted that’s a significant time investment, but sooner or later they will have to make it. But not even Eugene ever suggests it. The only effective weapon anyone’s crafted so far with their own hands is a staff–a melee weapon.

That’s not to say they aren’t ever (or even frequently?) in situations where guns would be better, but there are several times on the show when they were a proven liability. The characters even recognize and make explicit reference to this, and the show never conceals or ignores the effect of the noise. But. If you want to drop a walker from a distance, you gotta make noise doing it. Doing it quiet means up close. It’s like the law.

And I guess it increases tension–it imposes limits on the characters and makes things more dangerous–but what stands out about it is that nooooobody is weirded out by this.

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Finals Week

Technically, it’s two weeks long. Last day is Monday of next week. That’s my Greek test, as well as the due date of my revised work shop story. Then I got more tests, Wednesday and Thursday I think.

I’ve held onto this library book, Hanson and Quinn’s Greek, for a while, since I haven’t had time to really sit down and study with it. And now someone’s requested it. Of course. But it’s not due back until two days before my Greek exam, so I think I could make it all the way through it before then. I’m taking a break right now, though.

I’m close to having my study fully set up. Got an operating system, speakers, office software, and music; I just need to go through and convert all of my files to .ogg format. I thought about setting up my OS so it can handle .mp3’s and .wma’s, but it’s on a thumb drive and I don’t want to load it down with extra software I might not have room for.

I’ve been taking the focalin off and on, and I think it is helping some. And the dry mouth and loss of appetite is getting better, too. But I can definitely tell when it’s wearing off, yee.

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Copied from facebook (a full blog entry that was only going to be a FB post, yup)

First day on a new medication. Oh boy! Definitely want to make sure and try these only over the weekend. i feel like I just had the strongest mug of tea ever. This stuff takes getting used to, and i don’t want to be behind the wheel of a car at the moment. don’t feel safe.

Not sure I mentioned trying strattera. Wrong choice. Biggest thing it did was make me drowsy. Slowed me down, very good for “treating” hyperactivity as if I thought hyperactivity was a disease. It also reduced my anxiety, kinda made me feel generally strange. I disliked it. I feel like it reduced my libido as well, and when I had, ahem, libido anyway it gave me some discomfort. Also, it worked a little like how people tell me antidepressants work, and my older sister just told me that was it’s original design purpose, only it didn’t work that way during the human trials, it reduced inattentiveness instead. Well for me it was exactly the opposite, so generally pointless, since I’m not depressed, and the side effects were ultimately destructive. I function normally in bursts of procrastination and panic, well, take away the panic and what’s left.

Also my fucking god what happened to my punctuation and grammar i will have to proofread the fuck out of everything i end up working on if I end up using this. Maybe I’ll try a lower dose. Doctor told me the doses available, and she thought the second-smallest was the best idea, since I wasn’t a child an all, but maybe going down five miligrams would be smart. But it’s an all-day timed release type thing, we’ll see how tomorrow works out, and I’ll decide whether to take it again monday morning.

It’s true that i’m doing more though, my comments have been two-four times as long as usual, and I’m a little less inhibited about making them. A lot of my procrastination is re-reading comments and agonizing about whether the world will end if I make them. And it seems pretty obvious for me to realise that it won’t, and I don’t think that the world will literally end, I’m not really thinking of any kind of bad thing happening in particular, just sitting there worrying, and I’m either jacked up and no impulse control right now, or perhaps I’ve gained the awareness that i’m being silly. Whatever, if it helps me achieve my goals what should you say against it? Especially as an anarchist, my goals include overthrowing the bourgeoisie, would you scorn my contribution just because evil big pharma was involved? Do you starve yourself because corporations control the distribution of food? Of course not. So why should your hate for capitalism extend to denial that my neurological differences are real, and if capitalism demands workers who can walk, would an anarchist society deprive a paralytic of a wheel chair? If a society does so, then what about it would be anarchist? Nothing of course.

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